her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize