my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
