We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
