It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
