After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
