feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
