i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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