no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
