Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
