I intend to get homeless drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
