I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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