He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
