we have pet lesbian snakes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
ok first of all what the fuck
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
