he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
