whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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