Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
