just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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