I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
