rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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