Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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