I just made out with a guy for $7.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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