The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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