he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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