sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
