Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
