I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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