Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
