So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize