Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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