Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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