Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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