apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want her autograph on my taint
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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