Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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