How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
