Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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