the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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