carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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