I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
