please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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