I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
