Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
