How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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