even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
