I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
