feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I sprained my soul last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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