friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
