How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
PANTIES FOUND
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