Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He passed out mid-signature
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
