I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
