I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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