We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just pee around me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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