To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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