I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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