in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
