3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
